Friends & Self-Respect
by Kalpana
IN WHICH KALPANA SHARES HOW SOME LIFE EXPERIENCES TAUGHT HER THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING HONEST, BEING RESPECTFUL AND BEING YOURSELF, LESSONS WHICH CAN BE ESPECIALLY HELPFUL DURING DIFFICULT TIMES OF SECONDARY SCHOOL.
Secondary school is a very difficult period for most people because we start to become jaded by the monotony of schoolwork. Also, we try to be different from others so that we will be noticed or stand out from the crowd. I remember that in Sec 3, to fit in with new friends outside of school, I started to neglect both my schoolwork and my friends in school. But in the end I realized that it’s those who have known you the longest that you trust most and they are the ones who will be by your side when you are down. The friendship with my “new” friends was difficult to maintain and soon we lost touch. I found myself a bit lost among my friends in school after that. In addition, my schoolwork was suffering, as I had spent so long trying to sustain the relationship. I realized that maybe it wasn’t worth it in the end.
But I did learn important lessons from the whole experience which has enabled me to become more focused. So if you’re tempted to spend more time making new friends and getting acquainted with them, do it with moderation and let your head decide instead of your heart. For example, if you’re on the phone with them and you have homework due the next day, you should tell them you need to go off or that you’re busy. This also applies when you need to go offline at 11 pm and not chat till 2am on MSN especially if you know it will affect your concentration in school. If they are interested in being a good friend to you, they will respect your decisions. Anyway, shorter conversations just mean that you’ll have more of them in future. J
One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to respect yourself as well as those around you. Respect is a mutual thing. It is given to those who earn it. As a teenager, you should give yourself the dignity you deserve. You are unique and you have your own talents which may be different from all your friends and classmates. Only if you acknowledge that you have these abilities will your friends too learn to appreciate you for them. For example, if you have spent many hours perfecting your Photoshop skills, then volunteer to design something for the classroom so that everyone benefits. And they will respect you for your selflessness. From experience, it is the things you do expecting nothing in return that are the most rewarding.
Respecting yourself also means you don’t shortchange yourself. You should work as hard as you can so that you do well and can be happy! If you have habits that don’t let you lead a wholesome life (like smoking etc) then you are disadvantaging yourself and your potential. Plus, you get yellow teeth and lung cancer. Trust me, it isn’t worth it! And you deserve more than that. If your friends are bullying you or forcing you to do bad things, then you deserve new and better friends. Take control of your own life with whatever you have. Don’t blame your failures on circumstances like “I failed the exam because my friends wanted to go partying the night before” because you thought the party was more important than the exam! I used to do that and say “I didn’t do well for my tests because my friend was staying over and I had to entertain him”. But in the end, it’s my grades that suffered and I feel regretful that I didn’t study harder before he came so that I could both spend time with him and do well. Ultimately, everything is in your hands.
It’s helpful to decide what you want to live your life like. I decided to always be as honest as possible. When your friends and teachers realize that lying is not in your nature, then they will trust and respect all that you say and do in future. It gives me a sense of self-worth. For example, if you are true to your word when you say that you will finish something by a dateline, then even if something very urgent crops up one day and you are unable to complete your assignment, your teacher will grant you an extension. Of course, don’t do this too often or you may lose that respect that the teacher has for your promises!
Life can sometimes be very complicated with so many things going on at one time and you may be overwhelmed by all the emotions running through your head. I remember feeling very agitated and frustrated and angry at everyone so many times in the past few years! There are just some days when just nothing seems to go right. For example, imagine the day: I forget to bring something important to school, my teacher scolds me, my friend is ignoring me (and I don’t know why!) and I just failed a test and when I get home, my parents are having an argument. What an awful combination! On those days, I just try to lock myself in my room for a few minutes and be alone. Or else, I will call a friend and just let out all the stuff that’s been happening. Most of the time I have found that troubles become smaller once you talk about them to someone. Try it! You can tell a teacher if you are close enough or just a classmate. Maybe you could talk to your siblings or your parents. Sometimes it’s better to tell someone who is unrelated to the issue [like talking to your dad about your friends] and other times, it’s better to tell someone who knows what’s going on [like talking to your classmates about your studies and that awful test you failed.] I always spend about 5 minutes a day ranting about my (terrible) day to my parents. That way, they know why I’m in a bad mood and they know what’s going on in my life even if they don’t seem very interested. When my mom is reading the newspapers while I’m talking to her, I just say “Mommy! This is important could you please listen to what happened today!” Then she usually says something like “I’m listening…”and she actually is, because a few days later she remembers something that I said and asks me about it. You never know when someone can help you or say just what you needed to hear to feel better!
I guess there is a lot of advice that one can give someone else but there are just simple rules to make life easier I suppose. Be honest, be respectful and be yourself. At least if there are a few people who don’t like you because of what you believe in, you can still live with yourself.
