Family

by Isabella

People rarely realize the importance of families when they are young, and go on to make mistakes which they later come to regret deeply. If you can take Isabella’s experience to heart, and consider the ideas she lists at the bottom to help maintain happier relationships, its quite possible that you may grow closer to your family and later have a lot less regrets.

As a teenager, there are just too many things I have to complain about my family.

My father seems to love karaoke more than us. My mother is forever stressed and working. My sisters have a life. I am an angsty kid. I am at home alone with my maid very often.

‘Hear me world, I hate this house.’

So yes, I’m at the brunt of adulthood, my blood calls for freedom and independence. My being has no room for emotionally blackmailing mothers and fathers with impossible expectations.

I want to move out.

‘Hear me world, as I proclaim, I will find ways and means to support myself.’

That was, until recently, a new voice spoke up.

‘It’s not always better out there you know. No one is going to care for you like family does.’
(-in defiance- oh yea?)

Let’s explore this in detail:
Mothers nag because they’re concerned---- True

Fathers act tough because TRUE MEN don’t betray their emotions----
Befuddling but True

Older sisters are always horrible---- Tr….False

Therefore they deserve to receive expletives when they don’t let you have your way ---- False

Oh all right, so maybe I have misunderstood them. But as a seventeen year old,

‘I RULE THE WORLD… AND I’M ALLOWED TO THINK AND DO AS I PLEASE.’

I think of myself too much. I hardly think of the hurt I cause my family members when I judge them, shout at them and worse, refuse to talk to them. The problem is, when you don’t express affection for too long a time, you forget how to. It may be more obviously the case with fathers but it is also the case with children.

Sure, one has friends and they can be such amazing company but there are just some things friendships can’t buy. And we forget that, because family is a constant presence and is so close (at times too close for comfort) to us. Not to forget, the distractions from school, church and television, forces that can sometimes pull us away from the family unit.

I don’t wish to ‘teach’ you how to be nicer to your family or give you advice on family problems. I am no consultant, neither am I paid by THE WORD. But I do want to remind you that family is a precious entity that is easily broken but not so easily amended.

I don’t think we spend enough time thinking about our relationships with our family. My friend once told me she felt she owed her parents a sense of duty and not love. That made me think of them more as figures of authority than people, relationships with them static and not worth exploring. But I don’t think it’s that simple because there’s no reason why your family should live with you for most of your life just so you can shut them out. Nor is there reason for them to pay for your education just so you can abandon them in the future.

So if you’re thinking of sending your parents to a home in future, stealing your siblings’ share of the inheritance or marrying an angmoh just to spite them all, perhaps a little rational reflection needs to be taken.

Maybe you’re just being impulsive. Maybe you’re just letting teenage angst cloud your judgment. Maybe you need them more than you think.

Don’t let the rat race of life obscure your vision, or peer pressure take up all your attention. Relationships are still the most important and you might as well start from those closest to you.

It might be hard to know where to start but I hope you at least try. For starters, here are a couple of suggested things to do and say when you’re tempted to be awful:

What Should You Do When…

Your mother demands for the remote control when it’s right in front of her?
Ans: Inform her politely where the location of the remote is. If she still insists that you pass it to her, then work those young muscles and go get it!

Your sister cries and complains about you to your mother after a fight, that she started?
Ans: Breathe a few deep breaths and explain the situation clearly and calmly to your mother. Remember, shouting and scratching only worsens the situation.

Your father ignores your question?
Ans: Give him the benefit of the doubt and repeat it, because he might not have heard it. Or, just ask him again when he’s in a better mood. You might also want to practise talking to yourself. That way, you won’t feel so affected when ignored.

Your mother shouts at you?
Ans: DON’T SHOUT BACK. Imagine turning down the volume of the exchange. Speak at a normal volume in response. To prevent the build up of negative energy, shout into your pillow afterwards. Remember, words do more harm to a person than a pillow!

The bottom line is, don’t feel disadvantaged about being nice to them first. I went line dancing with my mother last week even though I knew none of the dance steps. It made me feel much better than sitting at home, watching the television, all by myself. I thought I was being charitable to her but it turned out that I benefited too.

With family, you never know if you don’t try and they can’t reciprocate if they don’t receive. So make an effort, however small, give and you shall receive J.